Friday, March 09, 2007

Great, I'm going to completely fail my OKR this quarter, god I suck. Have had zero time to write. Lack of discipline. This is pathetic. So much to say, but so little energy to say it. John, I know how you feel now.

Have you ever been in it so deep that you don't even know which way is up anymore? There are nights when I've just completely worked so much, so much so that when I'll go into safeway at 2am to grab a bottle shampoo, but end up wandering up and down the aisles lost. I'll walk in circles not be able to find it because I can't shut my mind off and I continue to think about work. So I can't focus and am just wandering aimlessly in this gigantic empty Safeway, w/ a couple of graveyard shift boxing boys staring at me with the "WTF is this retarded guy walking around in circles at 2am in a Safeway?"

Since I just got home and I need to get up at 9am, I should probably head to bed but then again, since it's 5:15am already not sure it matters anymore. God, I hate it when the damn birds are chirping before I get to bed.

Am I learning a lot? I supposed so. I don't know. I alternate between feeling great knowing that I've done more in six months than I did in two years at MS to feeling like shit knowing I really still haven't done anything, and that the bar for distinction here is set nice and high. I pretty much feel like I can run anything after this, but then I don't know if that's my hubris speaking or actually some well-earned self-respect?

Holy shit, there are some big names in this thread...Jakob Nielsen? http://battellemedia.com/archives/003413.php. Great points raised - maybe video play isn't really about monetization at all...ok, must stop writing. Damn it, see even now I can't turn it off. I just damn well can't.

3 comments:

Roy said...

1) Get some sleep.
2) Your blog is read.
3) Drop me a line sometime.

totochi said...

Heh, I don't think I met any of my goals for all of 2006. Since they're annual goals, you end up putting all sorts of vague crap that you never have time to do.

So are there any married people at Google? They work as many hours as you?

closetmusician said...

well, I'm failing miserably now anyways. there are married people here, I don't think they work as much as I do. I'm caught in a situation that's not so hot now...looking fwd to a startup someday.