Fireside chat with Hillary Clinton

We have a program at work where they invite famous people to come speak, and Eric would interview them. Today we had the rare opportunity to hear Hillary Clinton and that was definitely a treat. It's hard to imagine having these kind of opportunities elsewhere, though I really hope they'll bring Obama in too at some point for a good compare & contrast :)

So I'm blogging this live a la wonkette or dkos style -

Interesting notes so far

- Her policy cornerstones really seem to focus on universal health care, education, alternative energy and climate change. I'm not convinced this will work nationally, i.e., to win the election, but then again she could be tailoring it very much to the G audience. Personally, I'd rather hear more about Iraq, the economy, and redefining our foreign policy in general.
- Key message - restore confidence at home and respect abroad
- No escalation of troops into Iraq. Wow, that's surprising.
- No continued unconditional funding of the reconstruction unless
- A few nicely placed snipes at W and Cheney, me likes :)
- Wants to start dialogue with states such as Iran, Syria whom we're not talking to now.
- Will extricate us from Iraq if W doesn't get us out.

Unfortunately, Eric lobbed her some softball questions in the beginning which ate up all the time, so the only serious question she took was on Iraq. Would have loved to hear some more.

Thoughts afterwards -

Hillary is a great, great public speaker. Probably way underestimated when compared to her husband. But her style is quite different, I feel she's much more formal. She's incredibly intelligent and eloquent, but lacks that little bit of warmth or informality to really connect with the audience. It was kind of like listening to a grad school lecture. Bill, on the other hand, was great at making you feel like he was speaking to you personally, even though he may be delivering the State of the Union. It's interesting - it's as if you don't want to be too perfect in your delivery, because then you lose that personal touch. A little bit of colloquialism actually goes a long ways in establishing trust and credibility, and invoking emotion. I've heard Obama is also a phenomenal speaker, though I haven't had the time to watch an entire speech. W, for all his faults, is also an underestimated public speaker. He has an uncanny ability to project sincerity while speaking, But unfortunately since there's nothing upstairs, and his language command is so pathetically poor, it's hard not to laugh at his fluff after a while.

To be or not to be?

There are moments in one's career, inflection points, where people's opinion of you are formed, careers are made or broken, and decisions truly matter. Unfortunately, I just had one this morning, and I royally fucked it up. Rarely do I want to retract a past conversation as badly as I want to now. Unfortunately, I don't even know how I let it get to this point, it all happened so quickly. I think it's the first time that I've yearned for the simpler days at M, where I did not have to face situations as I do now. Things weren't easy then, but it was straightforward how to build one's career. Where as it's not clear to me now what to do next. Never do I feel as old as I do now - being all of twenty-seven I feel I am no longer a naive fresman when it comes to navigating the labrynth of the professional world and should know a hell of a lot better. But I don't. Damn my ignorance.

Before me lie two options - one to be the country PM for T/H, where I am in essence driving all the product strategies and decisions for these two markets, the other to be an international search PM, where I run and maintain the system that improves our core product for all intl markets. It's very much a depth vs. breadth tradeoff, and unfortunately while I committed to the intl one, I am very much having second thoughts now. Unfortunately now that I've committed to both my managers I don't see a good way of backing out of this w/o a major hit to my professional credibility. I don't want to appear fickle, indecisive, and frivolous, and yet by changing my mind within 24hrs I manage to achieve all three. I really wished I had thought through carefully before I made my decision and spoke up about it, unfortunately I did not get a chance to reflect and seek some senior advice until today. Which has really made me change my opinion a whole lot, albeit a bit too late.

Unfortunately, I am where I am now. No point in bitching about how stupidly I handled myself up to this point. What to do next? Should I continue on my current path? Should I speak up and announce a change of heart? Despite talking with some friends, ultimately it is my and only my decision to make, and now I understand the terrifying pressure and loneliness of choice and consequence. Only I am responsible for me and what happens to me, no one else. Wasn't that what aging was supposed to bring? The type of self assurance to handle oneself confidently and competently in such situations? Why do I still feel so clueless and inept?